discouraged.

it is very easy to get discouraged. then sometimes i wonder why i put in so much effort. cos it is really tiring, and it's hard to keep everyone motivated and on the same frequency.

but then i remember, that i am not doing all these for them. im doing it for God and He will take care of the rest.

mmms

i think it is scary. cos things that are supposed to upset me, dont upset me very much anymore. and things that are supposed to make me happy, dont make me very happy anymore.

i think im losing all my emotions! :(

or maybe i'm just tired because i've been awake since 5am, hmmms. and im so tired from all the random things i am planning or have to think about. it's exhausting.

i did my first tour today, which was really bad :( and i think sitting in the gym for 7hours straight is really really extremely tormenting. and it's only wednesday. i've got two and a half more weeks of this to go. EVERYONE, COME VISIT ME 9am - 4pm! :)

:(

this is boring.

omg i am never ever ever going to survive a 9-5 job!!

and i think i'm becoming obese.

tomorrow shall be my dancing day.

roarss! picca from church today! :) which felt strange. hmmms. AHHH i look preggers cos of the way i stand :( sobs.

anyhoos, tomorrow there's dance! and im actually feeling excited yay yay. and ballet at night.. so tomorrow shall indeed be my dancing day hahahahas. havent stepped into the ACC in a long time.. and i think my hamstrings are finally "healed" after i overstretched them the other time hahas!

today was dinner at ecp with random vjchoir people and gab says i grew fatter :( IM SAD. but indeed it is true. i need my new running shoes now now now! hahas.

okay i need to work on some proposal now, sigh. what a terrible miscommunication.

of blue pinafores and lovely songs.

some random photos from the reunion last sunday :)

mich says i look like how i did in sec1! im horrified. hahas.

the lovely girls who made it happen :) ugh, BLUR PHOTO :(

all who turned up!! we had seven batches represented - what a feat :)

i think arms around the world will always be the signature sn choir song despite it being a two-part song (which is in unison mostly hahas!) but i still love it and it holds a special special place in my heart :)

in the spirit of reunions, fel and i start thinking of plans for a red tag reunion in the future! like the whole graduating batch of 2003!! :) with the full works - ballroom, nice dinner, pretty ladies, solid programme, school song, family dance.. like grad night, but 20 years later. the sort that needs a year/half a year in advance to plan. hahas, oh well, it's still an idea :) and we'll see how it goes when we hit 30.

just monday, during dinner with the septvens, hearing darren talk abt his crazily demanding stint at some foreign bank made me realise that I THINK I AM NOT CUT OUT FOR OFFICE JOBS :( i've never had one, so i wldnt know exactly. but i cant imagine myself sitting at a desk staring at my comp screen and random stacks of files and papers. so what am i doing studying to be an accountant?! oh wellllllll. then again, i cant really see myself doing something else like TEACHING (much as i love kids). so maybe number-crunching still works out best.

these few days have left me feeling very jaded, about practically everything. also, i am at this stage where i refuse to do anything even tho i know there's plenty of work/commitment piled up for me. even reading my email pains me as i see my to-do list accumulating like mad. i realised the importance of having the belief and passion in whatever i do cos without it, the drive to complete the work disappears and everything about it becomes a big big chore.

oh well, so i'm not really in the best of moods recently, and am feeling slightly anti-social. RAHS.

the sinner's need for christ

man was originally endowed with noble powers and a well-balanced mind. he was perfect in his being, and in harmony with God. his thoughts were pure, his aims holy. but through disobedience, his powers were perverted, and selfishness took the place of love. his nature became so weakened through transgression that it was impossible for him, in is own strength, to resist the power of evil. he was made captive by satan, and would have remained so forever had not God specially interposed. it was the tempter's purpose to thwart the divine plan in man's creation, and fill the earth with woe and desolation. and he would point all this evil as a result of God's work in creating man.

it is impossible for us, of ourselves, to escape from the pit of sin in which we are sunken. our hearts are evil, and we cannot change them. education, culture, the exercise of the will, human effort, all have their proper sphere, but here they are powerless. they may produce an outward correctioness of behaviour, but they cannot change the heart; they cannot purify the springs of life. there must be a power working from within, a new life from above, before men can be changed from sin to holiness. that power is Christ. His grace alone can quicken the lifeless faculties of the soul, and attract it to God, to holiness.

tee hee.

why do i love putting up incriminating photos of people? :) a p4 class photo i made rais scan for me. then again, i highly doubt any of my p4 classmates read my blog! haha but it's quite funny how everyone looks so.. small. if you look hard enough, im sure you'd find some people you know :) esp if you're a rafflesian. cos rosythians are everywhere!

haha!

my short getaway :)

hahas ;) i wanted to upload them one by one with captions. but decided that it wasnt too wise :) check http://smusg.facebook.com/album.php?aid=26197&l=91df3&id=584370276 for the photos :) didn't upload all tho :) just about 40 out of the 400 we took.

the trip was a good one :) big thanks to alden for the transport and karen and aunty agnes for the affordable stay at aenon :) i like this sort of holidays, where you actually make friends and not simply sightsee, eat and shop at the common places like a normal tourist. got to know some of the aenon students and improving my spoken mandarin at the same time! (complete with the msian accent).

haha!! the four days passed by pretty fast and much as i didnt wanna go home, we had to leave. i actually wanted to extend my stay if not for ftb faci training at 8am the next day.

just a recap for my own sake :)

thursday: alden was late, as usual. haha! but we managed to cross the causeway at 5am or so. and got to aenon at EIGHT AM. all bright and sunny. it was a very smooth journey with alden tipping the 140km/h mark hahas. after breakfast, we had devotion and then karen gave me a FULL BODY MASSAGE :) complete with the olive oil and all, which was nice :) other than the fact we were short of time so it become an upper body massage. after lunch we headed out cos aunty agnes wanted to get her tau sar pia! and we went on a fruit spree. buying bananas, eating roadside coconut hahahas. cant really rem. suddenly that afternoon is fuzzy. but oh well.. we got back in time for farming! where the boys did all the work and i took photos :) and we saw the largest termites' nest EVER. it was disgusting. the more we dug the more termites we uncovered. yucks. night was choir prac and an early night :)

friday: we had our morning "exercise" by exploring the area outside aenon! i've always loved those nice cool country side kinda places. with cool fresh air in the morning, plenty wild plants and greenery and odd looking houses :) took plenty photos! then, we went colporteuring! for the uninitiated, it's the selling of christian literature. i used to scoff at the idea of selling books, cos i thought it was a terrible way of evangelising and that it probably puts people off rather than bring them to God. then i realised that's because we live in Singapore :) the mentality. i guess in malacca it works better, cos the people are not so wary of strangers knocking on their door and talking to them. with some being quite open, tho mostly closed. pingping and i actually sold two, by the grace of God :) and it was a really interesting experience. and i actually quite liked it, doing what i do best - TALKING. only wish i was more fluent in mandarin. haha. after colporteuring was lunch at aunty semai's. i super liked the fried tofu! haha, then after lunch was shopping shopping shopping! mahkota and the building opp mahkota. FOS is still the must see place in msia :) then we headed to the pasar malam behind aenon where they sold RM3 skirts and extremely yummy food :) by evening we were back at aenon, for sundown worship. then i cant rem what we did at night!

sabbath: we headed to malacca church :) and did our special song! it was really different singing with aenon choir, as compared to balestier choir. the first prac stunned me cos i never knew the song cld sound so nice hahahahahs. and we only had 10 people. i just hope the balestier youth can pull it off this week, rahhhs. church was good, sabbath school was taught by jason, who is an extremely good speaker for someone his age (younger than me!) and the sermon was preached by jiayi, who's also younger than me. hahas. and it was pretty good. you can see that all the work in malacca is spear-headed by the young people, which is heartening. what about singapore?? hahas. the afternoon was spent having a meeting about syc and then a choir prac with the aenon choir. after sundown, the five of us + jiayi headed down to jonker walk!! :) which was super fun! the car ride was excruciatingly long esp with the 4 of us squashed at the back seat but interestingly, our long journeys to and fro were actually more enjoyable than the actual shopping at jonker. haha, inside jokes. but jonker was pretty amazing. somehow singapore night markets just dont cut it. jonker had plenty food and cheap stuff! :) and the chendol was omg, HEAVENLY. pity was too full to get my own so i just stole a bit of everyone's :) shopping there was good, wish i had more money :) we got back at 12am, and found out that everyone was busy baking at night so they all just got back to slp too :)

sunday: RM1 set lunch day! so we just helped out in the kitchen, which was pretty much an eye-opener. it was good too cos there's much to learn and prepare if we wanna do it in singapore :) i made pies okay! made the dough. haha thk i was pretty much a liability but oh well :) the set lunch took up most of the day. and then we had to pack up. but before we left, we sang our special song for uncle fam and dr lee, who were very ill. and it was, touching. and what dr lee shared with us after that was really moving too. i heard alden sniffing behind me! and some ppl were tearing. but it was a nice end to the trip :) we said our goodbyes, which was pretty long. then we headed to jusco for a short while for me to get my water bottles! (really pretty!) and then at 7.30pm we started heading back to singapore. the journey didnt seem too bad for a while. UNTIL, we were 70 km away from johor, and the traffic reached a standstill. SEVENTY KM I KID YOU NOT. standstill! even at the road shoulder! aunty agnes predicted a 5am arrival time at singapore. i've never seen the NS highway jammed before. but after crawling for 20 km (took about an hour), we decided to pray and the traffic cleared miraculously! there were no exits or anything. the cars just disappeared :) coincidence? i dont thk so :) hahas it was pretty smooth. then got caught in another jam at causeway for 1.5 h then i reached home at 1am. amazing. but that sums up our trip :)

i kinda miss the people there at aenon, and their goodness and sincerity. it is nice to be surrounded by these kinda people all the time, no wonder karen really enjoyed her six months there. hmmm. it was a short but nice getaway. and i spent only slight more than 100 bucks including lodging, food, transport and shopping! :) most of the time it's because of the people you're with and the people you meet :) more than the things you do :) i wanna go on another vacation! RAHHH.